Consistency and Kindness

 One of the many principles I have learned when working with my horse is to be consistent and kind. These principles can also be applied to our family, friends and colleagues and if we are teachers, should be applied within the classroom.

First of all, it is important to just show up. Show up regularly, show up when it's a beautiful day and show up when you're having a bad day. Simply show up consistently. The good thing about showing up no matter what is, Flint doesn't care how I look or if I'm having a 'bad hair day'. He doesn't notice if I've put on weight or if my socks don't match. He's happy to see me when I'm happy or when I'm sad, when I'm tired or when I'm full of energy. I need to show up consistently.

When I am working with Flint, I need to be consistent. When I am leading him, walking by his side, he needs to know my expectations and I need to listen. Sometimes I will say to him, "I'm walking to that tree" and other times, I will just move in a way that he knows where I'm going. During this time, I often talk with him about my day, about what's happening and I point out the good things that are in our surroundings. Sometimes I am silent but we are both aware that we are together and I love it when he gives a little nicker of acknowledgement.

 Yesterday I took Flint out of his paddock and we walked up the driveway towards another paddock.  Before we got there, he flinched for a moment as we passed the gate-shed so I encouraged and reassured him and we keep walking. Every now and again I told him to 'stand' and he listened and did what I asked. I felt a little energetic so did a little jog and he quickened his walking pace. We had fun moving around the large paddock and taking in the scenery around us! We posed for photos on our way back and when we came to the gate-shed, Flint predictably balked. 

For some reason, Flint does not like walking back past the gate-shed. The first time he showed fear was a few months ago when I was riding him. He went up to the corner rather than go through the gate-shed. After some time, trying different methods, encouraging him etc he succumbed and went to catch up to his friend. A couple weeks ago, the same thing happened when I was leading him back so today I was prepared. I got my husband to dangle a carrot in front of Flint but he didn't pay any attention. He planted his feet firmly and only moved backwards, in circles or sideways but not through the gate-shed.

I took the carrot and waved it in front of his nose so he could smell it. This method worked and he got through the gate-shed and was rewarded with the carrot. It was important that I listened and responded to what Flint was 'saying' to me.

No matter what you do, consistency and kindness are important: Turn up for your friends, family and colleagues and listen. If you're a teacher find out what works best for your students and try different teaching methods. Treat all people with kindness and respect. And have fun together! 

Communication Builds the Relationship

 Building a friendship takes time, patience and good communication,  especially listening.

This morning I wanted to spend time with Flint before we went to go and celebrate my gorgeous granddaughter's 3rd birthday. I found him up in the back corner talking with a cow over the fence in the next paddock. The cow saw me coming and wandered away while Flint waited for me to approach. Finally, he took the last few remaining steps, nuzzled into me and lowered his head so I could put the headstall on him - the pink one which means 'serious work'.

We walked along the back fence line and some of the cows looked up from their grazing and lazing in the sunshine. Flint hesitated and instead of rushing him, I stopped and looked to see what he could see. I gave him a pat and we walked on. As we began the downward slope towards the dam, he stopped again.

He looked regal standing there with the blue skies and sunshine surrounding him. I chose to walk him around rather than go straight towards the dam and that worked.

When we got to the ball, I picked it up and rolled it in front of him and he touched it with his nose. We went to the smaller paddock, stopping for a selfie along the way and played with the ball a bit more. Every time he touched it, I praised him and I even rolled it a few times in front of him and he didn't flinch. We did this for some time and then I took the halter off him, gave him a bit more patting and lovin' and within moments he'd gone back to join his bovine friends.

As I reflected on the session, I thought about how well we had done together. When he had stopped, I stopped and waited, reassured and listened. If it appeared there was a problem, I tried to find another way to make it work. I listened when he was expressing hesitation and we had a good time together.

I think it's important to do that with our friends. Go to them when you see them approaching so they know it's mutual. Listen to what the other is saying, wait for them to be 'ready/on the same page' and when a problem arises, find a way forward that works for you both.

Then play ball together - have fun together.

Dream Again

It's been raining here a lot and the dam has overflowed, blocking off the track the 2 horses have made which gives them easy access to our side, as well as to Flint's feeding area. This means that to get to our side, the horses have to go around the back of the dam which is a bit longer but only takes a minute or two if they go fast. Yesterday, I stood at this side of the water and called Flint to come over.

Flint looked at the water and looked at me. He took a tentative step forward and looked around again. He could hear me calling him, encouraging him to come over and get his food but he stayed put. The birds sang, Milly (our lab) swam in the water but still he did not come.

As I stood there watching, calling and waiting I thought about how true that is of us. We know we want to get to the dream/reward but we get distracted by the obstacle that looms in front of us. The water in front of Flint is not deep and he has gone along that track many times before. He put his nose in the water, took a couple steps in, had a drink, then stepped back again. 

Jasper, the other horse went over to him. He gave Flint a little bit of grooming, then Flint moved further away up the hill. Sometimes our friends can be like that. They can be well-intentioned and even encouraging, but might remind us that the obstacle might be too hard to overcome or that it's safer to stay here. After all, who knows what is lurking between us and our goal. Perhaps they add to our doubts: Are you strong enough? Are you sure you're ready?  It's a great idea but.. What about your 'responsibilities'?

As I stood patiently waiting, calling him to come, encouraging him that he could do it, I realised that what he needed was someone to walk alongside him. He needed someone who could listen and empathise, who could see the obstacles confronting him but who could remind and support him and walk through it with him to help him reach his goal.

Perhaps you've been through a lot and you're ready to move through that stretch of water to start dreaming and hoping again. You look around and are distracted and your well-meaning friends aren't sure how to help you. One of the things I have found when going through a hard time is that I don't want to burden my friends but I need to talk to someone. I need to process my thoughts and I want to have goals and make them happen.

If you want someone like that, please know that I want to empower women to rediscover their hopes and dreams and move forward with purpose. I encourage you to find me on Facebook, join our Life Trail Conversations group (for women only) and even set up a one-on-one coaching session with me in 2024.

Life Trail Conversations

You can find hope again and it's OK to dream and make plans. So the end of the story is - my husband went around the long way and Flint followed him back rather than take the short cut through the water. 

Gentle Flint

 Today we had friends coming over for the afternoon and in the past, their 2 young boys had expressed an interest in horses. They're building a house on a property where ponies are living the life and recently their youngest son served up delicious apples to the well-fed ponies before going to toast marshmallows on their small fire.

I wondered how the horses would go as I hadn't seen them around small children. I grabbed Flint's halter and lead rope and led the entourage past the dam, over the hill of dry grass and into the shade of native trees and scrub. I kept.an eye out for snakes sunbaking in the gorgeous sunshine as I heard the crunching of the grass underfoot. 

The horses were in the hidden part of their paddock but when Flint heard me call, he ventured half way up the hill and watched us approaching. I walked down to him, gave him a pat and walked back to where the others were waiting. Flint followed and Jasper, thinking there might be treats in pockets, came close behind.

Flint stood still while hands stroked his neck and side. He lowered his head so the.youngest one could reach and the blokes stood talking and patting. Jasper let himself be patted and when he figured out there were no treats, he left Flint to enjoy the attention.

The horses followed us back to the gate and Flint hung his head over so the patting could continue. We went and made up his feed and he watched carefully, reaching for a succulent plant to munch on. The food was tipped.into his dish and he licked the bowl clean.

As our friends got ready to go, the youngest son ran to Flint.who was standing at the gate. Flint lowered his head and the boy said, "I love you. I don't want to go. I will miss you."

Building the Bond

 We've moved to a new place and have Flint with us, as well as a friend's horse, Jasper. Jasper and Flint love the new place and are so relaxed. We've started bringing in hay for them and they discovered, with their hooves, where the opening is underneath. 

Anyway,  as my friend won't be able to ride with me for a few weeks, I wondered what I should do about it. The hoof trimmer was out on Monday and she remarked about how far Flint and I have come in 6 months. She suggested that while my friend is away, I continue to work with Flint. When I expressed concern about separation anxiety between the horses, she said to practise going down the (long) driveway and increasing the distance each time etc.

I started today. As we left the paddock, Jasper called out to him over the gate and although Flint heard him, he was focused on me. The 2 little yappy dogs came running out and he ignored them. The agisted horses on the other side called out to ask him where he was going, but he kept walking alongside me and didn't bother to reply.

We went down the stony hill/ driveway and he mostly kept his space alongside me. A couple times, he came too close and I turned him around and he resumed walking properly beside me. At the bottom of the hill, I let him have some juicy, green grass as a reward.

He would have stayed and feasted longer, despite the horses calling him back, but I didn't want to push him too far. On our way back, 2 cars were coming towards us and I moved him to the side of the driveway, facing them and he stood still. The noisier car stopped and waited and we returned to the gate, where Jasper was hanging over the fence impatiently. 

He's a good boy! (Flint)

First Ride in Four Months

 It's been almost 6 months to the day since the first time I rode Flint and it was time to ride him for the first time since we had moved. I was nervous leading up to the ride, after all, we hadn't ridden for about 4 months and I've read so many 'horror' stories about riding on a horse that hadn't been ridden in a while. Horses that are restless, gallop away without their rider, pig-rooting and all sorts of other crazy things. We don't have access to a yard where we can lunge the horses before a ride so it was saddle up and go. It was a bright sunny day and I enlisted Andy's help as the photographer to mark this wondrous occasion. 

Inside the paddock, we brushed our horses down and saddled them up. I asked Heather a couple times to check the girth and when we took them out and I was about to mount, she stood in front of Flint, 'just in case'. He stood still and we moved out of the way so Heather could get on Jasper. We went for a little walk behind our home and the boys were great! A big expanse of paddocks were on the horizon and we could just make out the cattle further down the track.

We turned them around and headed back down the driveway. The horses being agisted on the other side of the road, wanted to join in the fun, calling out and walking alongside the fence, yet Jasper kept walking. Flint hesitated and after a bit of cajoling, he decided he didn't want to be left behind either and quickly moved to join Jasper. They both walked past their paddock without a sideways look which I took as a good sign that they were happy to be out on this adventure. 

Further down the driveway, we kept going, mostly staying in the grass alongside the driveway which is softer on their feet. We walked up a steep hill, although I allowed Flint to canter a few steps just to see how he went. He was lovely! At the top of the hill, we sat and admired the view and then zig-zagged our way back down. In Heather's words, "I don't feel like doing a "Man from Snowy River" ride this afternoon.

On the way back, we allowed the horses to walk on the grass alongside the driveway and when we got back to our place, we dismounted and headed back into the paddock again to untack them. They hadn't even worked up a sweat!

For horses that hadn't been ridden in 4 months, they didn't put a hoof wrong. I was so pleased with Flint and I look forward to the next ride when we plan to go out of the property and up the road a bit. We want to increase the length of the ride each time. 

Bring on daylight savings when the days are longer and warmer!

Riding Confidently Takes Time

Over the past couple of weeks I've had the opportunity to ride Flint quite a few times in the bush and continue to develop my bond with him as well as rebuild my confidence. Last weekend I rode with a friend I hadn't seen in more than 20 years and we didn't know we had 'horses' in common until recently.

As Flint and I walked towards the tie-up post, he was unusually alert and jumpy and Annie asked me if he was normally like this. Once he was saddled up, he was more settled and Annie walked in front on her horse with me calling out the directions. Flint usually follows a lead horse and this worked for our ride. We walked down into the bush and it was a pleasant ride. Suddenly Flint shied off the track and I pulled him up just in time to see a couple of kangaroos bounding through the bush. Annie's horse had seen them but had only reacted in response to Flint's reaction. Apart from that it was an uneventful and pleasant ride.

I have read on Facebook about women who had lost their confidence in riding and they look for suggestions and ideas about how to regain it.  I had a bad fall just over 8 years ago. My husband had seen a rider-less horse going back and he stopped playing with our dog and ran to where I was - unconscious. Our dog apparently licked me and an ambulance was called and I was awake and talking. I don't recall any of that until about 4 or 5 hours later when I woke up fuzzily and became more aware of what was going on around me. I had a bad concussion and the doctors said that when the pain medication wore off, I would feel like a Mac truck had run over me. We don't know what caused me to fall and I sometimes thought that was a good thing although, other times I think that if I knew, I might be able to learn from it.

When I think about regaining confidence, I think it is a lot like the process of grief. It takes time and the process is different for everyone. I had riding lessons on Boston, I rode quite a lot with friends, and I even went on 'tourist' trail rides. It wasn't until I had ridden Shorty for a few months and learned trust is a 2-way relationship, that my riding confidence began to grow. The turning point for me was understanding that I had to show Shorty I was worthy of his trust. 

So, back to the present. Having a 'new' horse means having to build trust and confidence again and quite frankly, Flint is earning my trust. I am also aware that when I am riding him, I need to convey my trust worthy-ness to him. I know that when he is 'distracted', I need to reach down and pat his neck, speak gently to him and sit confidently on him. I have learned that those things reassure him.

Today when we went riding with 2 friends, the other horses were a bit 'jumpy' so I made sure I was listening to Flint and responding appropriately. As the other 2 urged their horses down the driveway, we waited, calmly. We all crossed the road and went down into the bush. Each of us took turns at being the front rider and when it was Flint's turn, he confidently took the lead. He walks fast so I would pull him up and wait for the others to catch up. When kangaroos were spotted, he didn't even flinch. He rode in the middle and he rode behind the other 2 usually maintaining a good length. At one stage, we even rode beside another horse.

It was the longest ride Flint and I had been on so far and once again, I am very proud of how he is doing. He is a good, dependable horse.