Learning To Trust

Shorty was standing at the fence waiting for me. As I slipped the halter over his head, he nickered and turned so he could walk alongside me, occasionally ducking his head down to snatch a few morsels of tasty grass along the way. I took the brush out and ran it along his sides, watching the dirt fall off. He stood patiently and while I waited for my friend to return with her horse, I decided to comb his mane out. 

His mane was a bit knotty, after all, rolling in the dirt is one of Shorty's favourite pastimes, especially after I've just groomed him. While I took another handful of mane in my hand, he turned and looked at me. I returned the gaze and stood quietly enjoying the moment. In my imagination, it felt like he was saying that I could trust him and that he would not let me down. I gave him another pat and turned back to combing out his mane.

Shorty, at just over 16 hands high, is not very short at all so when I picked up the bit and bridle, he lowered his head so that I could get it on more easily. I fastened the bridle and checked the girth. Shorty knows to hold his breath so that it feels like it is snug and as my left arm is sore - bursitis, impingement of subsomethingaratha etc, I need to use a girth-eze which makes it a lot easier to do up. Even then, it is only after I have mounted, that Lynne checks it again and moves it up another notch to make it fit properly. He's a smart horse!

I moved Shorty away from the mounting block and we waited for Lynne and Trooper to begin our ride. After a quick prayer for safety and a good ride, we headed down the driveway. Shorty followed and stayed to the centre, which meant my head avoided the branches. Trooper began pacing so Lynne pulled him up a couple of times to remind him to walk and Shorty waited each time. On the road, a P-plater hooned past, his engine roared and Shorty fidgeted. Once the car was out of sight, we crossed the road and headed down into the bush, weaving in and out of trees and scrub. The ground was soft in places as there has been a bit of rain lately and at one stage Trooper stopped. Lynne urged him forward and he stood on a wombat hole so we turned and went another way.

It was a pleasant ride and I realised that not only wasn't I feeling nervous, I was really enjoying myself. It's been about 7 months since I fell off a horse that shied badly and it's been just over 5 months since Shorty entered into my life. I smelled the clean air and breathed in deeply. I watched a bird fly overhead and butterflies flitted about. A couple of weeks ago we had seen a herd of kangaroos but we didn't see any today and we haven't seen the albino wallaby for months. 

We talked while we rode and at a clearing I asked Lynne to take a photo of Shorty and I. Shorty stood still and when Lynne passed my phone back to me, she backed up and faced me so I could take a photo of her and Trooper. We headed back home and the horses maintained their stride. Back in the paddock, I was still sitting on the top of (the world) Shorty, when I heard the buzzing of a botfly!!!

Shorty hates botflies! One time Lynne saw Shorty racing up and down the paddock in a frenzy and he worked up a sweat. She noticed that he was losing weight, connected the dots and realised that the botflies really bothered him. It's been a bad season for botflies so when I told her there was a botfly, she cautioned me to stay on Shorty because if he moved when I was getting off him, that could be a problem. Shorty stood still while Lynne swatted at the botfly and I was so proud of him. I got off safely, took off his saddle, bridle, brushed him down and led him back to the paddocks. 

Today was a successful ride. When we were out riding, I commented to Lynne that I felt relaxed and she said that Shorty and I had learned to trust each other. I reflected on that as I rode. When he had turned to look at me earlier while I brushed him, I felt he was saying I could trust him. 

It's taken time, patience and persistence to get to this point. In 'human relationships' it takes time, patience and persistence to build that trust too. Sometimes there will be soft ground that you find it hard to get up out of, there will be "noises" that distract you and you might come across an unexpected obstacle. As you move forward, breathe in the fresh air, notice the blessings and as you step together along the journey and continue to grow the trust between you both. 

When Will I Be Famous?

 "You're the best!" he said flippantly as he ran out the door, grabbing his lunch and keys and blissfully unaware of the unrest he had caused by his request. She had given in to him yet again but what more could she do, she believed it was for his best. The phone rang and she slowly picked it up, checked the caller ID and put on her fake, smiling tone. "You have won a new car!" begun the cheerful caller who then broke down into laughter and asked if she was having a good day and had she heard from their brother lately. The sisters chatted away, crying, laughing, groaning and sharing about the happenings of their ordinary lives. Suddenly one begged her sister to turn on the TV straight away because an old school friend was on the news. They watched it and at the end, Jilly asked, "Who would have thunk it? Who woulda thought she would go on to be famous?"

Politicians, footballers, athletes, newsreaders, actors and performers grace our TV screens as often as we have them on. The other day I was out walking and wondered, "Were they born to be famous? When they were in school, did their teachers and/or parents know they would be destined to be so important?"

The leaders of countries all over the world are facing 'unprecedented times' of a global pandemic. They are making (and changing) rules and restrictions as the virus takes on other variant forms and explodes in their communities. They are all looking older and perhaps more haggard than what they would have been, had it been a smoother 2 years. Where do they get their advice from? What principles and values do they draw strength and wisdom from in order to make decisions and get through this time. Before they became an important politician leading their country, when they were only 10 years old, what preparation did they receive, to equip them for what was to come?

We've read stories of how many now-famous people were told when they were younger that they would never amount to much, that they weren't that good and that they need to reconsider their choice of career or lifestyle.

As Andy and I walked around the block last night, I asked him about the people we had known who had become famous. What was it about them that landed them on their feet? One colleague/friend he had played sport with, went on to be on an Olympics team and another despite being very competitive and good at sport, had just led an 'ordinary life'. The former colleague/friend, Andy had known to be humble and kind and not pushing people out to be ambitious. He didn't gloat about being the best and he treated others with respect.

I feel like I have always wanted to be good at so many things but have become "Jack of all trades, master of none". I love writing, singing, reading, teaching, swimming, playing squash and netball, riding horses and not in that order. I wish I could do all of those things so much better but I don't have the time, money or the ambition. I have been considered as 'good' at things yet sometimes overlooked for promotions because I didn't push myself forward. I know I could do better than the other person so why didn't I stand up for myself?

The song going through my head is, "When will I, will I be famous?" and the next line is, "I can't answer that". Does everyone strive for excellence? I can't help but wonder about those people who mercilessly push others aside in order to further their ambitions. It hurts those of us who are trodden underneath but they still achieve their moment in fame and fortune. By writing this, I am making myself vulnerable and as I write, I am also trying to remind myself of the greater good. I'm wearing a shirt that says, "Enjoy the little things in life" and I get it but.... 

When all is said and done, the only certainty is we will die. There was a poem that included the lines, "Only one life, 'twill soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last."

My mum passed away when she was only a few years older than what I am now. There is rarely a day that goes by when I don't think of her and I know that she influenced and encouraged many people in her life. It's been more than 20 years  since she passed away and yet, she still has an impact on lives today. She was not famous or rich as the world measures, but she made a difference and made her life count.

I need to be the best me I can be, love the people God has blessed me with - friends and family- and continue to strive for excellence. I need to take on challenges that grow me and remember that "faith, hope and love remain - but the greatest of these is love." Whether I grow up to be famous or not, it's what is really important that counts.

1 Corinthians 13:1-8, 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

As Much As It Depends on You

 A couple months ago I had the chance to get another horse called Shorty, who, at 16 hands 1 high, is anything but short! He is a Standardbred gelding, just turned 19 and is proving to be quite a gentleman. I have him agisted at a friend's farm and even she has complimented him on him being so good. When I saddle him up, he lowers his head so that I can put his bridle on and he stands still when I am getting on him. Of course I use a mounting block because I am not 10 years younger and it takes a bit more effort. The first time I rode him out of the farm, we walked across the road and down through the bush. He carefully picked his way over the rocks and dirt, mindful of me riding him and slowed his walk to keep alongside the other horse and its rider.

On the day we picked Shorty up, we drove to the next place to pick up a horse called DJ. We took Shorty off the float and put him in a small yard to wait and in the next yard was Harry. Harry was the dominant horse of the stud so Shorty went over to say hello. He went up close to him and touched noses with him over the fence. In a moment, Harry squealed at him and Shorty walked away back to the furthermost side of his yard, away from Harry. He took a drink from the dish, came over to me and I reassured him and patted him before he walked away.

A second time Shorty approached Harry, nudged noses again and this time Harry not only squealed but he also gave a threatening snort and kick - not to make contact but just to let Shorty know who the boss was. Again, Shorty walked away. After some thinking time, he came over to Harry, nudged noses for the third time, then as Harry went to retort, Shorty moved away, turned his back and gave a little kick out at him. He was letting Harry know that he wasn't going to be threatened by him. 

When we got home, Shorty was put into his own paddock but after some grazing time, he went over to the other horses who had all been watching him, wondering who the new horse was. He went over to each of them and touched noses with them all and then walked away and went back to his grazing while they watched and wondered who he was. 

Move forward a couple months later and he has completely settled in and is looking great! Lynne has put him with the other older horse and the 2 of them can graze as much as they like. The other horses aren't quite as fortunate as they need to keep to a regular diet so they don't get fat. When Sinbad is having his hard feed, Shorty is on his own and he looks longingly over at all the other horses, wishing he could join in.

A couple weeks ago, Lynne picked up a couple of rescue mares who needed fattening up. She kept them in a smaller area while they settled in and then put up another electric fence to give them a bigger space to graze and run in. Their fence line was right next to the paddock Shorty and Sinbad were in and while Sinbad grazed, Shorty went over to greet them both. He nuzzled noses with them and watched them as they went back to their grazing. 

The older mare decided she'd flirt with Shorty and remind him of what he once was before he became a gelding. He responded, bared his teeth and leaned forward. She flicked her head and coquettishly walked away, pretending to ignore him and he was not impressed by her teasing. He went over closer to her and when she moved in, batting her eyelashes and tossing her head, he slightly reared at her, before walking away. He was pretty worked up so we went and rescued him and I walked him around the yard to give him time to cool down, before saddling him up and taking him for a ride. 

By the time we returned from our short ride, he was sweating as it was a hot and humid day. I unsaddled him, and took him to a paddock further away from the old mare. After he had grazed for a moment, he pawed the ground, lowered himself and had a good roll around. The old mare looked over in his direction but he paid her no attention. 

So the lesson learned from Shorty is: Initiate friendship and be kind to strangers. Don't let a person treat you with disrespect and stand up for yourself.

Lesson from the Bible, Romans 12:17, 18 "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

Being Kind Demonstrates Strength

Recently, when I expressed disappointment in the way a business conducted their salesmanship, someone said, "Welcome to the real world". Its condescending tone and assumption that I am so naive, makes me wonder where people believe I have been for most of my life! Unfortunately however, I have been in circumstances where people's selfish ambition have blinded their eyes to truth and they have made decisions that lack integrity and negatively impact others around them.

The Bible is clear: "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, consider others better than yourselves." Phil. 2:3

I have seen the effect someone's selfish ambition can have and has had, even on me. I have debated what my response should be and my first instincts are to want revenge. I work out potential conversations in my head, write up scathing emails that will never be sent and get angry that they succeed despite their selfishness. I know that the rain falls on the just and unjust. I know that theirs is a hollow achievement but yes, it is totally unfair and it hurts.

Selfishness and rudeness are not 'the real world' although they can be found in the real world. Right now, there are raging bushfires wreaking their destructive flames through the country and people are responding with kindness and assistance. They are sending truckloads of hay, donating goods, furniture, clothing, and doing what they can to help. I have friends who have gone to the frontline to give their help. 

Recently my 19 year old nephew passed away and what came through loud and clear was his commitment to love and serve God and others, to do what he could to help others. He was involved in Red Frogs even before he had graduated high school and therefore, before he had been to schoolies week. His friends and leaders could count on him to be there when they needed him and he had also been on a missions trip to Thailand. He often said, "Don't sweat the small stuff."

Today I listened to a podcast for teachers on the issue of how to respond when colleagues gossip, spread unfounded rumours, lie about others and try to run others down. It happens and we have a choice on how we will respond or whether we will react. Personally, I try to respond with grace and kindness. Some will mistake that response with weakness but it takes a lot of effort, prayer and forgiveness (i.e. strength) and I don't always get it right.

Knowing when to stand up for oneself and when to walk away from a toxic situation can be confusing but you need to know your limits. It hurts whether you leave or stay. It hurts long after the dust has settled and at times, behind your smile, is the dwindling memory that you were betrayed by people you loved and trusted. In the end, whatever decision you make, you need to put it behind you and move forward. Don't let bitterness eat you up. Protect yourself, learn from it, put in good boundaries and continue to show kindness and love.

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

Prov. 31:25

Falling Off A Horse

Since writing my last post, we have moved interstate for personal reasons which means we've had to adjust to a new place, a new pace, a new climate, a new job and re-establish old friendships and begin again with new ones. We brought Boston down with us but due to her age and failing health, we left Image with her previous owner. Boston is being agisted at my brother's place and although he has the company of a flock of sheep, he is the 'king'. When campers come, they bring gifts of attention and apples which he thrives on. He has paddocks full of green grass, supplemented by hay and a dam to drink from. He's in his element! He might be a gelding but he's king of the paddock and all those who see him, admire him.

Last weekend, I went to visit Boston. He followed me around the paddock and nudged me when he was close. I brushed him down and began to do some ground work with him. He occasionally did what I asked but I noticed that he also kept coming into my space, uninvited. I would make him step back but then he would move forward. This was unusual behaviour and when our time was up, I led him back into his paddock. There was a niggling feeling inside of me, one of nervousness but I put it down to me not having worked him hard enough and feeling a bit tired etc. 

Boston enjoying the grass while Milly runs playfully through it.

 A few days later I went out to visit Boston again. My brother was busy but told me to saddle up Boston and I'd be fine without him. I went to brush Boston and he stamped his foot and I hesitated. Due to how I'd been feeling the last Saturday, I waited for Warren to come and he helped me saddle Boston. When Boston stamped his foot at Warren, he ignored him and kept doing it while I waited tentatively.

I got on Boston and he followed Warren around the paddock. He ignored my instructions and I found it hard to take control back. Unfortunately I couldn't relax despite knowing that I needed to. From the outset, I had been nervous and had not confidently treated Boston with respect and he did a little jiggling (sort of mini bucking or pig-rooting as my brother called it) and I rolled off on to my back, missing the wood pile because Warren had pushed me (or the horse) out of the way.  

Afterwards, nursing my bruises and soreness, I evaluated what I had learned from all this and what changes I would need to make in order to ride successfully again. I didn't get back on Boston after I fell off - I was too sore. I now need to re-establish my relationship with Boston again. I will need to do some ground work and rebuild the trust that we have had in the past, so that we can work together again. It's about him and I. We need to look each other in the eye and know that we can ride together again. We have successfully ridden together before and we can ride again together. I need to learn how to do that again, with confidence.

Deeper still, in my evaluation means I applied this lesson to my real life. I sometimes allow my past hurts, insecurities and/or someone else's boldness and confidence to cross into my space uninvited. I need to be confident within myself, know my strengths and abilities and ensure that I put boundaries in place so that I can be more effective in doing what I do well. I can not allow others to determine my footsteps for me. Instead of them doing the jiggling around and me being tossed about, I need to dance my steps in the beat to the music I hear. 

In the meantime, I will ride my bike and prepare for a new school term with daylight savings!!! Oh how I have missed daylight savings! 

Let It Go

I mentioned to my staff that this next blog post was entitled, "Let It Go" and of course, someone broke into song and although I have heard the song, I must confess that I have not seen the whole movie. This topic came up because someone recently told me that "You have to let it go. It's in the past" and sometimes I find those words to be quite garrulous.

Often we find it hard to let go of things for any of a number of reasons: 

• It would mean forgiving the person who has wronged us (or wronged our friend)
• It would mean it truly is in the past yet it doesn't feel like it is because it happened again recently.
• We keep seeing reminders of the painful incident/s.
• We want the person who wronged us to experience the hurt we suffered because of their actions
• One or two of the above
• All of the above
• Other

There are examples of people in the Bible who were told to 'let it go' and when they didn't, there were consequences. For example:

• Lot's wife was told not to look back, to move forward away from evil Sodom and Gomorrah yet she couldn't resist the temptation and when she looked back, she was turned into a pillar of salt.
• Naomi begged her 2 daughters-in-law to go back to their own home and families and although Ruth chose to stay and say those oft-quoted words, "Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God", Orpah went back. Ruth stayed and received much blessing for her faithfulness.
• In Luke 9:61,62 Jesus told the parable of a man who plowed his field but kept looking back. The lesson was that he needed to look ahead as he plowed or he would not finish the work.

Quite frankly, it can be hard to let go and not have a pity party for oneself, especially when life gets tough. We want people to see our pain and tell us that we are justified for feeling so hurt. The man in black said to Buttercup, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." (The Princess Bride) When someone says to me, "Let it go, it's in the past", it's as though they diminish the pain and heartache I have gone through. It's as though they feel they have a right to say it and quite frankly, they don't. No one can measure your pain, nor do they have a right to say, "Get over it". If it as that simple, there would be no need to say it!

Sometimes a person will say that because they care about you and don't want you to be in pain any more. They don't like to see you suffering and they don't know how to take your pain away from you. They're not quite sure how to show empathy.

Empathy means the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another. It comes from the Greek word, empatheia, affection + path (to suffer). 

There are so many inspirational quotes and Bible verses that encourage people to let it go and ultimately, that is the goal and the way one can move forward. Letting go also allows a person to rebuild trust. Did you ever play that team building game when you close your eyes and fall backwards to demonstrate trust for the person who is standing there to catch you?

I love the picture of a young girl running towards her loving father who, when she gets to him, picks her up and swings her around and she laughs as her heart is filled with joy. But there will come a time when the little girl will not be so little anymore and her father will not be able to physically catch her up in his arms.

Again, in Psalm 37 we are encouraged not to be envious of those who seem to prosper despite their evil ways but to "trust in the Lord and do good". You might not be able to let go of the pain a person has caused you, but you can make a conscious decision to still do good and be kind to others around you. You might not be able to trust the person who has wronged you - I don't think you have to trust that person. Trust has to be earned.

When one of my students comes to me and says that another child hit (or hurt) him and it's not fair, I don't turn around and say, "Oh well. That's life. Get over it and go play with him again." Instead, I listen, ask what happened and ask what could be another way of responding, so that he/she can avoid that situation again. We teach kids to be resilient, to be able to stand up for themselves and to make right choices so that they can grow into adults with good character and integrity.

Life is unfair.

Don't expect the hurt to go away just because you 'will it' or because time or others dictate that you should just let it go. 

Don't indulge yourself in self-criticism because you haven't quite let go or because the hurt sneaked up on you again when you thought you were past it.

Acknowledge that you've been hurt and move forward away from the pain that would hold you back from the good in your life.

And when you feel like you still haven't let go, repeat that last step again... and again... and again. As often as it takes. It won't happen over night but it will happen, one step at a time.

Introducing Boston

This is Boston my horse. He reminds me a lot of students I have taught in the past and sometimes I think of him as having ADHD. He loves getting up close and personal and loves attention. He can't stand still for very long when I am grooming him and trying to untangle his tail. As I am grooming him, he will be watching and his ears will twitch. It's as though he is saying, "What was that?", "Oh look! Something new!" "Did you see that butterfly" "Do you see how handsome I am?"

Once you gain his trust, he will follow you around the paddock, even if he doesn't have a halter and a lead on. He nuzzles me when I take selfies and does not like being excluded when I pay attention to our other horse. One time, he deliberately snapped the clip on his halter by somehow pulling the lead rope when we had him in the smaller yard. I left him out in the other bigger paddock while we walked with Image and gave her attention. Boston kept walking up and down, parallel with us. When we stopped, he stopped. When we moved, he did. Since then, I have bought a stronger halter and lead rope that he doesn't try to snap.

When Boston first arrived here, he had to establish himself in the pack and find out where he belonged in the pecking order. There was already a bigger horse than him and he was the 6th horse to arrive in the paddock. Our other horse didn't care what the others thought of her and went where she pleased, when she pleased. I would watch Boston watching the other horses while they congregated around the hay. He wanted to join them but knew he had to wait his turn. He also knew which horses to avoid and if he got too close, would back out of the way before the other horse gave him a reminder of his place.

When we arrived at their paddocks, we would call their names although, after the first couple times, Boston would look up, see us and come to us with eagerness. Image would see Boston going towards us, and would meander across behind him. Boston knew we were here to play with him and give him attention and he loved it!

After we put them back in the paddock with the others, Boston would come up to the fence and watch us leave. Image would follow along too but not with the same enthusiasm as Boston. Sometimes another person would stop and talk to us and I'd look back at Boston and he'd still be standing there regally watching. If he was grazing, I'd see him look up every now and again as though making sure I was still there.

There are children who are a lot like Boston. They want to fit in with their peers. They see what's going on around them and want to be a part of it. They want and need attention and security. They need to know that they have someone who is looking out for them and who will protect them when trouble is around. They want someone who loves and cares enough for them to spend time with them even when they try to act like they don't care. Some children need more reassurance than others and within loving boundaries, we need to patiently remind them that we want what's best for them.