Let It Go

I mentioned to my staff that this next blog post was entitled, "Let It Go" and of course, someone broke into song and although I have heard the song, I must confess that I have not seen the whole movie. This topic came up because someone recently told me that "You have to let it go. It's in the past" and sometimes I find those words to be quite garrulous.

Often we find it hard to let go of things for any of a number of reasons: 

• It would mean forgiving the person who has wronged us (or wronged our friend)
• It would mean it truly is in the past yet it doesn't feel like it is because it happened again recently.
• We keep seeing reminders of the painful incident/s.
• We want the person who wronged us to experience the hurt we suffered because of their actions
• One or two of the above
• All of the above
• Other

There are examples of people in the Bible who were told to 'let it go' and when they didn't, there were consequences. For example:

• Lot's wife was told not to look back, to move forward away from evil Sodom and Gomorrah yet she couldn't resist the temptation and when she looked back, she was turned into a pillar of salt.
• Naomi begged her 2 daughters-in-law to go back to their own home and families and although Ruth chose to stay and say those oft-quoted words, "Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God", Orpah went back. Ruth stayed and received much blessing for her faithfulness.
• In Luke 9:61,62 Jesus told the parable of a man who plowed his field but kept looking back. The lesson was that he needed to look ahead as he plowed or he would not finish the work.

Quite frankly, it can be hard to let go and not have a pity party for oneself, especially when life gets tough. We want people to see our pain and tell us that we are justified for feeling so hurt. The man in black said to Buttercup, "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." (The Princess Bride) When someone says to me, "Let it go, it's in the past", it's as though they diminish the pain and heartache I have gone through. It's as though they feel they have a right to say it and quite frankly, they don't. No one can measure your pain, nor do they have a right to say, "Get over it". If it as that simple, there would be no need to say it!

Sometimes a person will say that because they care about you and don't want you to be in pain any more. They don't like to see you suffering and they don't know how to take your pain away from you. They're not quite sure how to show empathy.

Empathy means the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts or attitudes of another. It comes from the Greek word, empatheia, affection + path (to suffer). 

There are so many inspirational quotes and Bible verses that encourage people to let it go and ultimately, that is the goal and the way one can move forward. Letting go also allows a person to rebuild trust. Did you ever play that team building game when you close your eyes and fall backwards to demonstrate trust for the person who is standing there to catch you?

I love the picture of a young girl running towards her loving father who, when she gets to him, picks her up and swings her around and she laughs as her heart is filled with joy. But there will come a time when the little girl will not be so little anymore and her father will not be able to physically catch her up in his arms.

Again, in Psalm 37 we are encouraged not to be envious of those who seem to prosper despite their evil ways but to "trust in the Lord and do good". You might not be able to let go of the pain a person has caused you, but you can make a conscious decision to still do good and be kind to others around you. You might not be able to trust the person who has wronged you - I don't think you have to trust that person. Trust has to be earned.

When one of my students comes to me and says that another child hit (or hurt) him and it's not fair, I don't turn around and say, "Oh well. That's life. Get over it and go play with him again." Instead, I listen, ask what happened and ask what could be another way of responding, so that he/she can avoid that situation again. We teach kids to be resilient, to be able to stand up for themselves and to make right choices so that they can grow into adults with good character and integrity.

Life is unfair.

Don't expect the hurt to go away just because you 'will it' or because time or others dictate that you should just let it go. 

Don't indulge yourself in self-criticism because you haven't quite let go or because the hurt sneaked up on you again when you thought you were past it.

Acknowledge that you've been hurt and move forward away from the pain that would hold you back from the good in your life.

And when you feel like you still haven't let go, repeat that last step again... and again... and again. As often as it takes. It won't happen over night but it will happen, one step at a time.